Succumb to Suicide ?

Go on , move me with your words. Make me stunned ,fill me with life . I want to know what it’s like to breathe ,I want to feel like I’m alive. I need to. I don’t feel happy anymore. I feel like there’s this certain sense of sadness that is filling me with madness. 

If I told you that I’m gonna. Commit suicide today ,would you be able to stop me ? Or would you just let me do as I please ? Can you stop time for me and make me remember why I need to live ? Can you not give a fuck about my life and just watch me hang myself to death? 

Can you do neither ? Can you be me and make me realise where I went wrong ? Can I you tell me who I’m speaking to once I’m dead ? Can you build a fortress of future on the piles of the past? Can you make hell feel like heaven ? 

A dysfunctional view on an imperfect world

We live with great expectations​ while having low standards and we are constantly underwhelmed in an overwhelming scenario of situations with which we aren’t satisfied with. We apologise to strangers for stepping on their shows while we refuse to be sorry to ourselves to judge everyone we come in contact with. We live solely for our selfish needs while only caring about other and charity when we have more money than required. We care for animals more than we care for the homeless and we die living life along the seven sins but not realising it because it’s how everyone around us went about with their lives and thus we feel like we accomplished something . 

Don’t ever tell me that my behaviour is antisocial or different from the ways of the world just because you and some dim witted 8 billion numb nuts decided that I was different . If you can’t do what you feel is always right then you’re just a classic run of the mill person who’s living in denial. Don’t ever blame me for living in a world of my own day dreams and residing in a virtual paradise because you don’t know the first thing about me or about living in a world of absolute chaos. 

Against every human instinct of survival ,we love to stack up our resources and accumulate our money to spend on worthless things that won’t eventually matter because all you will ever do is follow the norm of being successful and I sit here hoping that someday I’ll not want to live in a world of my own fancy anymore because finally the real world actually made sense to me. That day is never coming because life is dependent upon perspective and you are dependent upon others validation. 

That pretty much sums up the life of anyone who either has lived or is yet live .

Stupid Us.

I have a question. How can we all be left out if the the people around us are the ones who leave us out? Clearly all of us have felt like they haven’t fit in at some point in their lives. In fact, I’d like to bet that you have had felt that way atleast once in the last few days. 

How can we all be a group of people who are misfit’s?? Are we that dumb or are we just pretending that way cause it’s easier to victimize yourself? Think about it. We obviously like to dwell in self pity so why not just live in denial since this obscure​ kind of negativity keeps us happy? I think the problem is that we all feel lonely when no one attends to us and crave our company when we can’t have it not just for the sheer feeling of it . Oh no no no. Humans aren’t that simple. I think the word ‘human’ means ‘complicated’ in the sacred language called Gibberish. We just always want what we can’t have and thus always end up feeling lonely , sad, unattended , bored etc.

You might think of this as greed . There is no amount of any given substance (or ether) that can officially make us content. And obviously Greed is a sin. But if you think about it. This greed has helped us achieve everything we have till now. You see , not being happy isn’t necessarily bad. I mean having an insatiable thirst for knowledge is a good thing right?but why is having an insatiable thirst for the blood of the innocent bad? Just because of some meaningless morals we decide to keep fundamentally important in our lives? You see the moment you realise you’re the reason any of your problems exist , you don’t feel guilty. Because you’re human. And instead of realising your flaws, you’ll want to blame someone else. It’s not wrong. It’s not your fault. It’s just human of you.

Let there be Light

I hate this little phase. Happens every few months. I write a lot and then I’m stuck. Can’t think shit can’t write shit. My words start contradicting themselves and I keep growing increasingly frustrated. For a guy who wants to write professionally I’m pretty bad at this. 

But then I start looking around me. I search for hope, I crave for something new but the truth remains solid and firm as it holds its ground. It looks at me dauntingly . It tells me I’m worthless, it criticises me for being stupid and ignorant. It doesn’t give me tough love,it just loves me out of hate.

I start screaming and say that the truth is as good as what I believe to be lies. The truth is only what it is to itself. I am so mad I start venting , explaining why I’m far better than some obstacles I’m stuck at. I say I hate you and I start crying . I tell my tear drenched pillow that this is just a phase and It with all be behind me one day. It’s almost as if my pillow cries again because it has to put up with my stupid bullshit. And before you know it, the pillow is more soaked and wet than ever. I go to the little temple in my house and I tell God how fucked up he is for ever letting me exist and wanting me to die. I hope he suffers one day and dies a thousand deaths. The idol of God then smiles and me and sweetly says ‘ you were having trouble finding words huh ?’  well ‘Here you go ,I have you a thousand words just my altering my emotions.’ 

The idol grins and tells me we are all fucked up. And since we all deserve hatred then why not just try to make the most of our new found hate.

I realise I finally have a new blog to post. 

Let Alone . . . Love

There are some things that i dont understand no matter how hard i try to either empathize,sympathize,relate,feel or what not. Then there are some other things which i will straight up refuse to understand all thanks to this rebellious (not to mention ,piece of shit) personality of mine. Love comes somewhere between these two. Its out there. I can almost see how it might actually make the world beautiful but then, BOOM . . .It just proves me or any of what i could’ve thought to be wrong. I swear one day when i go up and meet the so called ” GOD ” i’m gonna go , hit him , then nail him to the ground, beat him up and enjoy the sight of him suffering in agony for a few minutes then just look him in the eye and say ‘ Don’t get me wrong, i Love you. Its just tough love’

Why does it even exist . I mean for starters , its just such a complicated term. it does not specify anything at all really, in fact it only forces you to think more. Think about it , you can love your dog ‘Hunter’ and even your girlfriend but at the end of the day you aren’t gonna fuck hunter and get a blow job from it , right? Nor will you throw a bone across the room for your girlfriend to chase and then call her a good girl right ?

Other emotions have a defining characteristic about them like :- Sadness has tears, happiness has a smile, anger has a frown, shyness has lack of speech. Love? it is the most confusing of them all. Some people smile in love, some people cry, some drink till their liver is off to a better place and some even just dont even realise that they’re feeling it. My Dog licks me out of love , My parents scold me and hit me out of love, My friends support me and my girlfriend ‘kisses ‘ me (IYKWIM) There is no way of knowing what kind of love you’re feeling. If you love your sister its fine but if you love her like you love your Girlfriend then its incest. If you put restrictions on your child’s life its tough love but if you do the same for your dog its animal cruelty . WHAT THE FUCK?????

I dont even understand the stupid logic behind it . What is love ? Everyone say its something special that you feel . You know what? Its literally the same feeling i get after taking a dump every morning.Not even kidding. Love is the exact equivalent of shitting 24/7. I’ve seen marriages fail because of it, i’ve seen trust/commitment issues about it , i’ve seen people not wanting it to be said to them while i have seen people waiting to say it to every second person they see on the street. I’ve seen people who love someone enough to let them go and I’ve seen love stories where the other person is so commited ,that he won’t ever let go .Do you realise how many people hopelessly believe in it every day ? People’s lives revolve around it man and its scary cause what happens if this illusion is to fade away?

You do realise that you’re a human right ? DO you know what one of the simplest human tendency is ? To get bored. Yeah, to get bored of everything. Say, you want a doll since you’re 8 and you get it a year later.You’ll get bored of it in a few days. The same works for humans as well, you cant meet the same people and live the same life everyday. You’re human. Even if you do convince yourself that you can be an exception to this rule , you’ll just get bored of being an exception in a few years. I’m sorry but i’ve thought way too hard about this shit and I do not see any logical reason for this insanity to continue.

You love and will do anything for your family ,right ?  But guess what. Your family is the group of people you never chose in the first place. You just ended up with them and are not obliged to have any specific general towards them no matter what. You do choose your friends though, but still you’re family get more of you time and even money after you die ?Believe it nor not Love is the biggest piece of bullshit i’ve ever come across. Its nothing more than sugar coated candy that gets us through life. Hopefully alive. And hopefully ,with smile .

The Love Of My Life

An impeccable excuse.To only die I ever live,to quit I refuse. A scarcely seared stick ,carrying a moment of joy ,looking at you like an overgrown toy.

She kisses my lips ,the kiss it burns. The remnants of her tasteless mouth hurt, but for another touch I yearn.

The only girl I never understood, so different from them all. So calm ,so shy ,so lethal and yet, so simply my long haul.

I want her every day , every hour every now and then,she lights up my soul. She shows me new things and she poisons the sweetest of men

She’ll die for you and she’ll be back for more,her love understands no pain ,all she wants is Gore.

Can’t live with her ,can’t live without her , once you meet her there is no ease, you’ll be longing for more and more of her misery , you’ll forget to live, you’ll find a new release.

There’s no way out once you’re in , into her beautiful web, into her beautiful kind hearted might. Only she can ease your pain afterall, she knows you just right.

She’s my love ,she’s my life ,she’s all I ever want and she’s all I ever get. Some selfish beings hate her for killing me ,but to me she’s my beloved cigarette

Quit Cocaine.Just Snort Some Stardust

Look at these stars. They don’t seem to shine at all these days. I wonder what’s wrong with them . are they sad ? Are they tired ? Maybe they just want some time off. Maybe they can’t take it anymore. We need them. To shine. To brighten our lives but they ? what do they want ? Do they want to sit still and look pretty ? Or are they something more . can they surpass our expectations and give what the world is yet to witness. Are we in line to shine ? Or are we waiting for a better time ? Can you tell me what drives you today ? Do you need me like I need you today? You want to shine. So bad. You can’t stand standing amongst these regular people anymore. They can’t see that they’re shadows . from where I’m standing they’re nightmares. They’re my nightmares. They’re bad but they give me something most of y’all fail to. They give me a fire. They scare me and they light me up. They will never know this . if only some one was here to tell them what they meant to me. If only I could find words for my feelings and tell everyone how they light up my dull life . you shine so bright and you bring out in people what I call a light. But you’ll never know this. You’re just being you. But perhaps you needn’t know this. All you need to know is that you needn’t be a star to light up the sky. Even a new moon is missed on a lonely night.